Red, White & Bruised: USA Part 1 - People
Throughout this article I interchangeably use America and Americans to mean the USA and a Citizen of the US. I do know the difference, the terminology is just easier to read. My apologies to Canadians, Costa Ricans et al.
I’ve recently had to buy hiking gear, an area in which I'm by no means an expert. These two interactions happened less than a week apart. Both took place in the premium camping supply stores of major cities. [Thanks Claude]
1. After searching the floor for a Merino wool hoodie I was only able to locate those of a different material. Following 10 awkward, uneducated minutes of evaluating them, I plucked up the courage to ask the woman working close by.
“Excuse me, do you have any merino wool or equivalent over layers, I can only find synthetic?”
“... No”
“...”
“...”
“Okay so these synthetic ones, I can’t find the material on the label. Do you know if they’re quick drying? That’s the main quality I’m looking for.”
“... Yes”
“Okay, you’re sure?” I gestured at the one that looked the most appropriate for me.
“... Yes, dries quick”
2. Before even reaching the backpacks section of the store, I was approached by a man.
“Hey! Have you found everything you’re looking for?”
“I just arrived but yeah looking for a backpack, haven’t bought one in ages. I think I’m looking for something between 35 and 50 litres”
“Well let’s get you measured up! Backpacks start on the left of this wall at about 30 litres and get progressively bigger. What are you going to be using it for?”
“Oh I’m thinking of walking El Camino, so looking for just day hiking, but it needs to last over a month and with some varied weather”
“Very cool, El Camino is an amazing experience! My suggestion is most people walking it don’t need anything over 40 litres but some people like more space. Personal preference and what feels good to wear is going to take precedence.”
After a prolonged chat and an hour of me trying on various backpacks I had a choice between two that I liked.
“I’m sorry for taking up so much of your time, you’ve got the chance to upsell me, I think I like the cheaper one more but I’ll let you steer me.”
“You’re good. No need to apologise. I get paid hourly to talk about something I love. If you like the cheaper one more go for that. I’ll be happy if you’re happy, not because you spent more.”
Would it shock you to learn that one of these interactions took place in the UK, the other in the USA?
“Holler at me if you need anything”
Maybe I caught that woman on the worst day of her life, while maybe the man pushed his favourite brand on me where he takes 50% commission, then slagged me off behind my back after leaving. This Is Water. But I can’t help feeling one of those people likes me and the other one distrusts me.
I love America. More precisely, I love Americans. I was infatuated before this trip, but it’s now crystallised into full on love.
What’s your current stereotype of an American? Loud, Ultra-Nationalist, Arrogant, Brash, Hyper-religious, Misogynistic, Overweight, Gun-toting, Jingoistic, Militant?
“It’s so quiet!”
“Oh you’re from the UK. What do you think of Queen Camilla?”
My experiences suggest although those characters exist in the US they form a miniscule minority. I don’t want this piece to predominantly shit on the UK but I fear the British populace is wholly closer to those adjectives above.
I don’t love everything about America(ns). Non-negotiables: Lego is singular, Mathematics is plural, you watch movies at the cinema. [A future article will cover less serious problems with the country]
“You’re not from Ireland!”
Like most people, from an early age the media I consumed pushed American characters and stories deep into my psyche. Before moving there I think I knew better what it was to live in NYC or LA as opposed to London.
My initial joy in visiting the US came from seeing American clichés played out in front of me. A Minnesotan telling me about their state fair nearly made me explode. Another time it was a Utahn telling me their experience in high school and being part of their marching band and debate club. I knew of this life from screens but it wasn’t real until acted out in front of me! I wish I didn't observe much of their behaviour as cute and funny but frequently they embody cliché to the point it actually defies my ironic critique.
A side note, this media saturation means US accents don’t sound real to me. I find myself saying “Please say ‘Waterfall’ for me”, “Is that really how you pronounce Creek?” and “Wow you sound like someone from TV” too frequently.
“I adore your accent. Have a blesséd day!”
“Is that your real accent or are you putting it on?”
On past visits this has made the people feel distant and removed from reality. Particularly because of my social anxiety I tended to observe them tangentially hence feeling like an audience member in a sitcom. It doesn’t help that American service culture has resulted in the most put together, attractive and socially fluent people at the forefront of every store, restaurant and hotel. These being the majority of my interactions resulted in a feeling that everyone here is a character more so than a human.
A few years of therapy later and with a commitment to find belonging no matter what anxiety it caused me I’ve been able to really talk to many Americans. I minimised my worrying about how I was portraying myself and truly observed who I was talking to. I opened my eyes to a level of warmth, curiosity and openness I didn’t think possible without established trust over an extended time.
“Excuse me, I love your hair!”
I’ve heard it before: “yeah but it’s just fake kindness”, “their sycophantic nature is scary to see up close”. Even Nevadans say this about Midwesterners.
I strongly disagree with that sentiment. The interest that so many locals took in my nationality, journey, and life choices is not superficial. The most common question I received in small American towns was “What’s someone from the UK doing here?” The answer takes me several minutes to fully explain; only a sadist could truly ask that question without a glimmer of real curiosity, and the experience was too frequent to be a one-off.
“I’ve been working here a month and you’re the first Tim I’ve served… Also the first non-American!”
Rather than just enjoying what they can do for me, the real quality that I see in abundance for Americans is authenticity. What overwhelmingly defines Americans is their lack of shame. A wholehearted honesty that radiates from their core and shapes how they present themselves.
At its worst this results in the stereotypes listed above. The way I've seen it, the unapologetic nature that Americans embody results in everyone wearing their most true selves at the forefront of their being.
This is a trait I envy so much it hurts. I frequently won’t try a new hobby because I fear judgment if I cannot immediately show talent. On some days I am too ashamed to wear my pink T-shirt because I worry what others will think of me.
I spent vast quantities of time getting to know real people who share similar neurodivergence and mental difficulties with me yet exhibited a deeper comfort with who they were than I can conceive. Even anxious Americans are infinitely happier than me to display the traits that construct their identity.
“What a cute doggy!”
A healthier society forms when you don’t repress your character in a way I fear other cultures’ (and particularly British) youngsters are taught.
The typical American polite response to saying “Sorry” as you bump into them is the reply “You’re good!”. I hadn’t registered that before this visit. I apologise a lot, hence I would hear that I am good several times a day. Though fundamentally a banal platitude, hearing this mantra on loop was strangely but utterly uplifting. I wonder what character I would be today if I had lived my younger life being given repeated validation of my existence. Perhaps I’d have already found the life I’d like to lead.
“I appreciate the effort!”
I formed this opinion quite early into my visit and had several examples of kindness and warmth ready to use. Then on my penultimate day I met Mike.
I was driving back to Las Vegas, gutted to be leaving soon, and a personal crisis had sent me into an emotional spiral. In an already anxious state I pulled off a road in remote Nevada and promptly got stuck in the sand with my tire deflating.
After a minute or two of blind panic I started a frantic call with the useless rental company to get roadside assistance. While I verged into tears with them, a pickup truck and trailer pulled up ahead of me and Mike got out. Within 2 minutes of meeting me Mike was supine in the sand underneath my car attaching a tow strap. I protested meekly that it should be me getting dirty but he didn’t want to hear it.
After towing me out, he fetched me a bottle of water from his truck. He looked up and down at the sweaty, tearful, anxious wreck of a man before him and asked “Would you like help changing into the spare?” I don’t know much about cars, and I’m terrible at accepting help. I might have managed alone yet I nearly burst into tears in gratitude.
He not only changed me into the spare, he drove with me the 10 miles to the nearest gas station so we (he) could inflate the flat and re-attach it. He took an hour out of his own day after work to help me. Mike saved me $300+ in breakdown fees with the rental company then flat out refused to take any payment.
While all of this makes him extraordinary, what made this experience uniquely American was he did not give me any shit for it. Not a single patronisation or reproach for not knowing how to fix my own car, nor for getting stuck, not even a single joke. His only comment when I heaped praises onto him was “I’m going on a roadtrip soon, hopefully this gives me good karma”.
I don’t know anything else about Mike, I have no idea of his political stance or religious beliefs. It’s possible I’m lucky and I chanced upon the kindest man in Nevada.
I know I'm grateful the person who helped me was American.
I met many more extraordinary people than just Mike. Although writing about these people was mostly for me, you made it to the end of the article and so can find a list of them here.
